natzillas parents have been taking such good care of me. a week ago me and nat cleaned out the spare room so i could move in, i had to work that night and when i came home there was a little bed for me. a few days later i came home to find a dresser, lamp, and night stand. next night i come home to find a tv with a cable box set up! i was so excited! they are the polar opposite of my mom. they won't accept any rent money so i've been trying to keep up with dishes and taking care of the dogs and such... plus i work 5 nights a week, everyone here either goes to school or work in the day time so i have the complete opposite schedule as them (that always seems to happen wherever i go.. weird). i'm happy here. just lonely.

got luna back!!!!

i'm so happy right now, picked her up last night. he wanted me to come today at 1pm but i refused since i work at 4pm. i wanted luna to spend the night with me so she could have me there with her while she gets use to the place. she seems happy. gots her mama all to herself now :D pets are weird like that.

kelly (the pignatelli's dog) is freaking out without the family here, she sits by the door and cries, poor pup! they're coming back tonight though.

we broke up. he kicked me out. i'm living with natzilla.

bittersweet though. the house is beautiful, her and liz are two of the girls i get along with best at work (they're sister so i live with TWO coworkers) which is fine. none of us are drama queens and we all go to school and have almost opposite schedules so it works. their parents are so amazing. they have already done so much. they made me a room in the basement, furnished basement. theater, couch, carpet, excersize room, huge bar, sink, fridge, bathroom. its bigger then my old apartment and much nicer. there is even tile and all the counters are marble! it's a dream. they never go down there so they said someone may as well get some use out of it.

but i miss dale so fucking much now. i havent seen or talked to him in three days. i left most of my stuff at his house in a frenzy to leave. i left my phone charger... for the love of god... i need a phone but it's so nice to not have it. seclude myself for a while. i kind of hate cell phones to begin with. its a leash!

he wanted me to get my things but i don't think i'll be rushed since i left my new (i just bought it a week ago!!!) 35" flat screen tv that had just been hooked up, my computer with internet, and his phone (which i need to get back, it belongs to josh. if hes gonna kick me out he cannot stay on the plan for free).

my cat is there. i want her here and i miss her sooo much but i'm just not prepared yet. nat's house has 3 dogs so i have to keep luna in my room, which should be ok i hope, i just need a new clean litterbox and food and the room needs to be arranged right. i don't want to move her while I'M not even settled in. cats get extremely stressed being moved around and shes very comfortable and happy at dales so i want her to stay until i can truely make her a home.

i love him so much. truely and absolutely. i love my old man. i don't understand why everyone finds this so hard to believe. hes so beautiful to me. we have a lot of problems but i care enough to work through it all. i have never loved anyone as much as i love dale.

started wheezing last night. wheezing isn't the right word, more of a hick-up frenzy swallowing freak show. i am becoming so stressed out that i can't breath right at night. i can't function anymore. i am fucked up. maybe moving to florida isn't the worst idea.

ps. i missed my moms phone call... she sounded bothered by it. she called me at 12:36am. come on! EVERYONE IS GOING INSANE!

*sigh* this is getting out of hand. i feel like i have a story every. single. day.

so this time its karon and jerry.

slow night, im not making any money. there are almost no people at the restaurant the entire night. im working with adriana.

around 7pm, around the time i'm getting ready to leave since there is no use having 2 people stand around doing nothing, jerry walks into the bar with a furious looking karon behind him. jerry says to me "listen, there is absolutely no smoking at the bar. this chit-chatting needs to stop".

i was not smoking.

there was no fucking people at the place so of course i'm talking to adriana.

i pat jerry on the back and say very sarcastically "whatever you say".

jerry walks away, karon says to me "get your ass over here"

she says "if i owned this place i would have just fired you on the spot, you are a little antagonist and i'm fucking sick of it. you need to learn to control your attitude and stop fighting over every little stupid thing" etc etc...

karon smokes constantly and EVERYWHERE, shes some fucking fat dyke, swears like a sailor, tells racist jokes in front of customers, steals.. i could go on and on. my point is what she said to me is completely out of line. i did defend myself and i do get bitchy when i think i'm right but i did NOT deserve any of it.

before she finished ripping my a new one i walked away, clocked out, and left.

this drama shit has got to end!!!!!! i feel like everyone around me is going insane!!!!!!!!!!!

missy asked me to move to florida, dale is holding me back... actually hes suggesting that i go. i don't know what do to anymore, but driving 1500 miles is not a drive i hope to take in the immediate future.

halloween night. i had the best night ever! let me explain...

i worked from 2PM until about 8:30. long story about the drama of me having to work on halloween (considering who i live with). dale is a dick to me all night because hes stressed about everything he has to do that day. i don't even want to see his band because i'm so pissed and tired from working, but out of love i go and support him.

thats the situation.

SO! it's about 9PM and dales band plays. my boss, jerry who owns the bar we're at, gives me the head-nod insinuating i come to the back of the restaurant to talk. he tells me there has been 4 police calls about noise complaints and i should go and tell dale to stop playing. fuck. i see where the night is going already. i ask jerry why hes telling ME and not telling dale. he think dale will have less of a reaction if i tell him (which is true).

dale and his band pack their shit up and bring it to the van... or bus... or somewhere. i see hes about to leave and i'm about to jump into the bus to get a ride home. nope. he starts driving away. i'm screaming in the middle of the street "DALE!!! WHAT THE FUCK! STOP THE FUCKING BUS! DAAAALE! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!" and he didn't stop. looked me dead in the eye and drove away.

so i walk back into jerry's bar, crying. i have no phone because i lost it 3 days ago and no ride and i'm fucking CRYING (i almost never cry, i am horribly embarrassed to be seen crying) plus my love just fucked me and i didn't want to be there in the first place and i'm tired as hell. you can see my anguish.

it gets better.

i have one of the bartenders call me a taxi. the second i get back i'm all set to rip dale a new one then drive to the lake so sleep in my car. i come inside and take a piss, dale isn't home!

i know hes at dolls (a bar) and i speed over and storm inside, i scream "WHAT THE FUCKING FUUUUCK WAS THAT?? YOU FUCKED ME!!!" i was kind of drunk. he fights with me a little. get this... his reason for ditching me was because i didn't help him load the bus with his bands equipment!!!!! i didn't know i was suppose to and had i known i would have helped. i gave him the double middle finger and said "fuck you, dude" and walked out. yeah i'm a total bitch. fuck it.

i go to my car and drive to the lake and drink my burnettes pink lemonade vodka to put my mind at ease.

it gets even better!!!

since i live in wisconsin and its fucking freezing all the time, i had my heat on. i didn't plan on sleeping in my car so i didn't plan on grabbing a few blankets. i woke up at 7 and my cars battery was completely dead.

dale knows i go to the lake when i'm pissed so he came and we screamed at eachother for about 60 seconds before i slammed my door, he left. i wandered around the lake, took a piss in a bush, and started falling asleep again until dale came back, maybe two or three hours later asking why i haven't come back yet. i say "i already told you, my car is dead". he tells me to get into his car where we go and get jumper cables.

it gets better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jumper cables dont work since i have no gas so we have to go the the gas station, borrow a canister, and fill up my car. i finally get out of there and go strait to bed.

one more thing.

since i was so fucking pissed off in the morning i decided to blow off work. i might be fired.

for halloween i'm going to work as natalie, shes gonna be me. most of our customers are regulars so they know us both. nat and i are completely different which is why it makes it funny. shes a cheerleader, wears designer clothes, very preppy and very tan. i on the other hand am more pale than i've ever been in my life, have red hair, wear shitloads of eyeliner, and dress very dark. i am not depressed in any way, in fact i'm extremely happy, it's just my style.

the fun part is that we're both total fucking freaks. we have our own noises and dances and songs we sing and we constantly get weird looks. its awesome. i think that's why we're so close even though we're so different. sometimes you meet someone and you just... understand them.

aaaaanyway i'm trying to pick out what i want her to wear tomorrow. we're being exaggerated versions of eachother so i'm going to make her pale as shit and i guess i'm wearing fucking pigtails and ugg boots with a pink mini skirt... oh god...

i love my dale and his weird ways

i'm at a fair, i find this weird booth that says "eat your own shit and win a prize!". i'm thinking this must be a joke until this couple walks up and accepts the challenge. dude takes a dump the size of a baby and holds it like sub sandwich. he takes a few bites but can't finish.

now, theres this other guy i was hanging out with. hes eating a burrito or something and grabs a bell pepper, uncut. he swallows the entire thing whole. he goes to the shit booth and tries the challenge. he took a dump and the whole pepper was there right in the middle of the gigantic sized crap. he puts the giant piece of shit on a plate and pulls out the pepper. everyone around us laughs. he eats the whole shit and licks the plate clean!

i wake up from this dream gagging. i almost had to run to the bathroom to throw up. my dreams are getting more disgusting and vivid each night.